Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Importance of Talk

Communication is one of the top three killers of marriage. -

I'm the type of person who finds it hard to put her thoughts into words, verbally. I suck at communicating what I really feel and ever since me and the hubby got together, this behavior of mine irks him the most. You see, whenever there's something he did that I didn't like, I tend to shut up for a long time. He'll be left clueless because I am not talking to him though he's sure he did something and that makes me angrier because he, of all people, should know what pissed me off.

Slowly, though, I'm trying to change my bad habit. I'm doing my best to keep our communication lines open after last week's episode. 

It is really hard for me to say what I feel especially when I am mad. The reason why I tend to separate myself from the situation is that I don't want to say something that I know I will regret later on, hence, the cold shoulder I give my husband. I know it's frustrating for him but that's my way of dealing with it, letting my anger pass, thinking we'll be able to talk sensibly when I am not seething with anger. Wrong.

Last week, all the past issues came out - issues that we weren't able to settle because I refused to talk to him in the heat of the moment. When I decided to finally talk to him about those things, he became angry thinking that all of those were in the past already and he thought we're done dealing with those. That's the ultimate reason why couples should definitely discuss even the smallest issue - to settle the problem and to prevent it from blowing into a larger one.

Through sweat and tears, I did my best to communicate to the husband what I was feeling. Yes, there were a few times that voices were raised, a few "I always do everything and you never help out", but in the end, the talking paid off. A huge chunk was taken of my shoulders, I can breathe easier and our relationship has never been better. Husband even filed a two-day leave from work so he can spend time with me and our son. It was truly the best long holiday weekend we ever had even if we only stayed home.

Let me share with you something I read that helped me become a better communicator:

Here are Five Communication Strategies to Use with your Spouse from
  1. Be a good listener. Let your spouse talk about the things that are most important. 
  2. Keep focused. When it's your turn to share, stay on task with the key point. Don't try to cover too much territory at once or go off on a tangent.
  3. Stay calm. While it's fine to share emotion briefly, try not to get overcome by strong feelings of despair or anger unless you are facing a true catastrophe. 
  4. Set a goal. Since both spouses tend to often stay busy, you may want to have a goal in mind for your focused discussions. 
  5. Use communication as a way to express affection. Praise, encouragement, affirmation, compliments, and gratitude are some of the ways that you can show love to your spouse.
Read more here.

I still got a long way to go before I master the art of communicating with my husband but I promise myself to be a better, calmer, happier, talkative wife to him in the coming years.

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