Friday, October 14, 2011

Making the Decision to Bear a Child

When I was 17 and with my mom,  a fortune-teller outside Quiapo Church told me I will be "swallowing a watermelon" (slang for getting pregnant). But, she failed to say when and I was so close to telling her off, "Of course, I will because I am MADE to bear a child." Yes, I am but during that time I was sure I don't want any anytime soon.

When I graduated from college and already earning my own money, all I was thinking then were the things I wanted to buy and the places I wanted to see. I was enjoying the company of my then boyfriend (now husband) and we loved the financial freedom that both of our jobs brought us.

When we got married, we were not in a hurry to get pregnant. We were both selfish then, I guess. Thinking only about our movie dates, shopping sprees and night outs with friends and having a kid, well, we know will keep us from doing all that. So, we put getting pregnant in the back seat.

Personally, I didn't want to get pregnant because of my over-the-top fear of needles. I always have a panic attack whenever I had to go through the annual vaccines or if my blood has to be drawn for the CBC. I am deathly scared of hospitals and I believed that I am going to die in one, I still do.

Everything changed though, when my Asthma has gotten worse and I was diagnosed with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD). I was forced to resign from my job and that got me to thinking and the realization hit me - I am not getting any younger and I am not getting healthier. If I waited a few more years, the chance to bear a child might not be possible anymore.

That's when hubby and I had a serious talk about trying to conceive and considered a lot of things before making a decision.

Are we ready? Financially and emotionally?
Am I ready to go through the whole process of going back and forth to the hospital on a monthly basis then weekly? Will I be able to handle my fear of hospitals and needles?
Are we ready to let go of  the freedom to do everything we please any time, any day?
Are we responsible enough to bring a kid out into the world and raise him to become a good person?

After much thought, we decided to stop taking the pill and prayed really hard that we be given the opportunity to have our own child.

Making the decision to get pregnant is not easy. Like us, there are a lot of things that need to be considered and for me, the most important is the emotional readiness of the couple to become parents.How did I know we were ready emotionally? When I have accepted and welcomed the idea of bearing a child despite my fear, when we let go of all the benefits of being single brings and when my husband told me he will support me all the way - that's when I knew we were more than ready to have a child and after that, everything just fell right into place.

How about you?

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